“Sorry I tossed your sausage on the floor.”
These are not words you want to have an occasion to say to a coworker. Let alone a coworker you’ve just met on your first day at a new job.
Yet, being the graceful swan that I am, I managed accidentally to throw my cubemate’s sausage on the floor within five minutes of meeting her on my first day of work last week.
Why were you holding another girl’s sausage? And is this some sort of sexual slang I don’t know about?
I can hear your questions already.
Throwing sausage does sound like it should be something naughty, but really I literally tossed a girl’s sausage on the floor of my new employer last week.
Let me back up a bit, though. So, my first day of the new job was last Thursday. Being perpetually paranoid of tardiness, I arrived literally an hour early and sat in the parking lot like a dweeb wondering if I should just go in or not.
Finally I went in and started meeting my new coworkers.
Don’t do anything awkward, don’t do anything awkward. This is my mantra pretty much all the time.
The lady who sits next to me walked up and was like, “Hey! I’m [name], you must be the new girl! Here, I brought you breakfast!”
To my credit, I managed to smile, speak my name, and shake her hand without doing anything horribly embarrassing like drooling or botching my own name. Then she winced and was like, “oh wait, do you eat sausage?”
“Um, no actually,” I said sheepishly. I was somehow embarrassed that I didn’t eat the food she with which she had graciously surprised me.
“Darn it! Oh well,” she said, totally understanding.
“It’s ok!! I’ll just take the sausage off,” I said quickly, not wanting her kind effort to go to waste. So what if the biscuit innards might still smell of sausage? I would live.
“Awesome! I’ll take it,” she said.
Then it happened. One of those slow motion action sequences straight out of a movie. I peeled back the foil biscuit wrapper, grabbed the sausage, and turned to my new coworker. I could see it all playing out in front of me in slow motion, inwardly shouting “Nooooooooooo” in my head as I literally tripped over my own feet and stumbled forward, hurling towards my poor innocent cubemate, sausage flying out of my hands and splatting on the floor at her feet.
My face must have flushed as red as my hair, and I looked left and right quickly to see who else might have seen my enviable display of utter grace.
But hey, at least I didn’t keep tripping and literally fall on top of her? Gotta look on the bright side, folks.
And at least THIS hasn’t happened (yet):
So tell me, what is your most awkward work story? I think my sausage throwing fit takes the cake for me (so far…).
Until next time,