Tasting a Christmas Memory

Raise one hand if you love the holidays. Now raise the other if you are plagued with holiday grief. The holidays have this funny way of being many folks’ favorite time of year, many folks’ least favorite time of year, and for some of us, kind of both.

I lost my mom to cancer six years ago this coming April. At her funeral, throngs of people came up to me after I delivered the eulogy to tell me that it would “get easier.”

Spoiler alert: It didn’t. At least, not at the holidays.

Most of the year I’m fine.  Most of the year I’m more or less satisfied with the direction of my life and living in the moment. But Geez Louise, when it comes to major life milestones and holidays, it sure as heck ain’t true that “it gets easier.”

Every single Christmas I reach a point in the day where I just lose it and start bawling like a baby. Today, thankfully, it happened before our family arrived for Christmas dinner. Although, who doesn’t love tears in their green bean casserole?!

Any who.

Today, for the first time since her passing, I made my mom’s signature Christmas breakfast. It’s nothing fancy. She wasn’t a cooking and baking fanatic like I am. (They say it skips a generation, which would jive with the fact that her mom was an amazing chef).

Nope, my mom’s signature Christmas breakfast dish wasn’t some magazine-worthy quiche or from-scratch, organic souffle. Nope, it was store bought croissants and instant hot chocolate.


I would always be a rebel and dunk my croissant in my cocoa. 😉

(Try it! It’s amazing!)

I’m not sure where my mom came up with that combination for Christmas breakfast, but it was her thing. And I loved it. And I loved her.

Since her death, many Christmas mornings have seen me do something non-emotional for breakfast, like a banana and a ten mile run to escape my feelings of grief. cocoa

But this year I decided to do Mom’s breakfast.

Here’s to you, Mom: cocoa and croissants.



  1. Awww, friend! I think it’s wonderful you made your momma’s Christmas breakfast! I can’t even begin to imagine not having my mom around the holidays. ESPECIALLY so because she is the one who always make them special. I wish I could offer condolences, but you’re right, it never gets easier to lose someone. Just one step forward, each day at a time (or holiday). PS. Did you get the message I sent you!?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I lost my Dad to cancer 4 years ago. He died on the 21st of Dec. I spent Christmas eve in the funeral home planning his funeral. I find the Christmas build up very difficult. Full of painful, sad reminders. I love that you did your Mum’s breakfast. I’m looking forward to new year. You will always miss your Mum but I’m sure she would be proud of all you achieved

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible way to have to spend Christmas eve! Not that any time is ever a good time to lose a loved one, but I was grateful at least that I lost my mom in April, so it wasn’t right before a major holiday or her birthday.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It always feels symbolic because it is the winter Solstice. The darkest day before the return of the sun. Like you say, I don’t think it gets easier you just get used to the whole in your life and carry on.

        Liked by 1 person

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